


i'm with you the only way that i can be

by Interruptimoooooo



Category: Never Satisfied (Webcomic)
Genre: Dreams, Gen, i wrote this in like an afternoon and a night, it's one am. no beta i die like an idiot, uh hey anyone ask for some dubious angst?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-18
Updated: 2019-01-18
Packaged: 2019-10-12 06:24:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17462273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Interruptimoooooo/pseuds/Interruptimoooooo
Summary: Lucy dreams. Someone wakes up.Lucy remembers. Someone tries to piece together who they are.





	i'm with you the only way that i can be

You fall asleep and therefore you become. 

 

You are sixteen years old, a year older, a bit taller. You’d like your mentor to recognize you as his student today, but he doesn’t ask you what you’re so giddy about, why you’ve made a new dress for the seemingly normal day. He doesn’t even ask about the cake you’ve baked, the sweet smell wafting through the dark house. 

He doesn’t spare you a glance. 

 

  
_Further. Too recent. Best not to dwell._  
  


 

You are fifteen, and you are standing in an alley by the marketplace. One of the San Carlucco marketplace kids are standing in front of you- he looks nervous. He’s been trying to dig up the confidence to actually talk to you the whole day, and you've caught on by the second time he nearly tugged at your jacket. You've walked here to grant him some privacy to talk to you. 

“How did you figure out you weren’t a boy or a girl?” He blurts after a bit of fidgeting. You smile gently and explain to them, as they eventually decide they’d like to be called the most. They run off to their friends a bit happier, their steps lighter. 

The next time you see them, they’ve decided to grow out their hair a bit. You toss them an extra plum, just because. 

 

 

You are fourteen, and trying to form light on your hand- you have your mentor’s blue gems held in one hand, and you are trying so desperately to make anything happen. 

Ivy’s paw lands on your hand and she whispers, _Lucy, please put them back. It’s okay if you can’t_. 

_ I love you all the same. _

You wish your master would too, at all, as you tug her closer and let your tears soak her fur.

 

 

You remember being twelve- you’re proud of that. You’re just a year away from being a teen now- you remember telling it to everyone you knew. You remember the shifty stares traded between adults that you ignored, because the reason anyone would be unhappy about you being older- you didn’t want to think about that. You didn’t want to consider searching looks for your familiar at your side, on your shoulder, behind you, looks that landed on your black eyes. 

You didn’t like being with adults that called you a he, the way your hair was shorn so it didn’t touch your neck, the way it tickled when you ran your hands over it. You didn’t like a lot of things. 

 

_There we go._

 

You were unhappy. You remember it, a constant state of existence like a fog hanging over the ports. The glances at your eyes, the words traded by adults who didn't think children listened, adults who never listened to children when they said they weren't a boy. 

You remember change. Your vision tinted red, the light from your eyes lighting up your hands in your dim room when it should only be by the pale moonlight you could see. Your palms too red for it to just look that way because of the red light- your fingernails turning dark and sharp, like a bird’s claws, something like scales and feathers rippling on your arms. Your hair grew longer- good, you thought, for a single clear moment, before your legs did too, trembling as you struggled to adjust to your your extra weight and height.

You remember running, fleeing, your brain chanting flight, flight, flight but not in the way you considered fight or flight- like it wanted you to soar through the sky, like there was someone else in your brain with different thoughts and instincts. There were yells of panic, cries that you ran away from, until you ran into a solid man wearing the red, green, and gold of the city guards. 

You remember calming down, growing smaller, patches of red feathers receding into your skin. Your sobs turn into quiet hiccups as he led you through dark alleys to a house with curtains tightly drawn. The man who opened the door had white hair and a white cat trailing his steps, and he welcomed the one who had led your there with an affectionate hug and let you into his house.

You remember a warm hearth, the few evenings spent warming yourself before it. You remember a different kind of fire- and you remember burning up-

 

You wake up. 

 

It’s morning. The sunlight through the window hits your half-lidded eyes scant moments after the cat hit your stomach. The cat reminds you it’s Saturday- it’s a big day for you. 

As you hurriedly put on your clothes and grab an apple, you forget whatever dreams you dreamt of during the night, your mind moving on to the contest, the anticipation and the excitement, the apprehension and the infinitesimal hope that your mentor will be happy for you. 

You forget the voice in your head.

_ You forget me. _

**Author's Note:**

> hey so my theory is that lucy was supposed to have a peacock for a familiar but theirry somehow fused with them instead so he got the peacock husk-ness but lucy’s familiar’s consciousness is still trapped in lucy’s subconsciousness.  
> so that's what's going on here. yeah.  
> title is from remember me. i don't like it. i might change it.  
> thanks for reading. point out mistakes if you wanna.


End file.
